My angels full story

In January of 2010, I found out I was pregnant. It was very early when I started spotting. I was still trying to get into the OB's office, it was so early. I found out a few days later, based on blood work, I was miscarrying (such a horrible word...no one chooses to not carry a baby "correctly). On Feb 13th, I started to bleed. My drs office followed my HCG numbers down to under 5, and told me when they got there, I should get my period. I never did. About 2 weeks after that phone call, I realized I still hadn't gotten it, so I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. About a week later, I started spotting again. My OB's office sent me to the ER, where they did an ultrasound, but it was too early to see anything. There was nothing but an "empty" sac. After that, they immediately sent me to get blood work, where they told me at that point, it looked good. I had 2 more draws, where my numbers were going up. On a Wed (after the second draw) my numbers were over 18,000. The drs office set me up for a dating ultrasound (since I had no clue how far along I was). It was set for Friday. All night Thursday, I told my husband that we would go to the ultrasound, and I would either see no heartbeat, or I would see 2. (When we first got married, I always told my husband that my 4th pregnancy would be twins. That was with the expectation that my 3rd pregnancy was a success, not a loss). Get to the dr, and lo and behold, there are 2 absolutely beautiful beating hearts. My one egg had spontaneously split, giving me identical twins. My due date was set for December 2, 2010. I would never make it CLOSE to there.

Everything was textbook, They were MO-DI twins (Same outer sac, different inner sac, so they shared a placenta). I went in for ultrasounds at 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 12 weeks, and then again at 20 weeks. We found out we were expecting girls (YAY!) and that they were still perfect! There was only about an ounce or 2 difference in their weights. Fast forward to the end of 25 weeks, and I started feeling a lot of pain and pressure in the bottom of my belly. The drs measured, did a stress test, and then ordered an ultrasound, because I was measuring about 3 cm larger than I had been the week before. The dr wanted to make sure it was baby growth, and not extra fluid. Everything was beautiful! I had 2 perfect wiggly baby girls in my belly. That was the Tuesday before my life fell apart.



That Friday, I noticed the girls weren't moving as much as normal. I got some movement, so I thought they were just running out of room. I was only 26 weeks, 1 day, but I was already measuring 38 cm (full term). Saturday morning, there was no movement. I checked their heartbeats with my doppler, and they seemed high to me, and they didn't change like they normally did. I called the on-call OB, who sent me into L&D for monitoring. Babies still had very stable heartbeats. There was no change. They did an ultrasound, but it wasn't the best quality, The dr decided to send me to the larger hospital, with a better NICU, since I was so early still. She told me as I was leaving the floor, that they would AT MOST keep me on hospital bed rest for a bit. At least until I could get the second steroid shot. Once at the bigger hospital, a Perinatologist came in and did an ultrasound, and told me that Baby B had some fluid around her kidney, and looked like she had a true knot in her cord. She said we needed to deliver immediately, or both babies would die. I was sent back for an emergency c-section.


Baby A came out crying (she sounded like a mouse!) on August 28th, 2010, weighing 1 lb 7 oz. We named her Cynthia Paige, Thia for short. Baby B came out with no noise. She weighed 2 lbs 3.5 oz. We named her Gabriella Catherine, Ella for short. Not long after Ella was born, they took her from the room. About 5 minutes later, they came and got my husband. They stitched me up, and sent me to recovery. I was alone for a bit, since I had told my husband to follow the babies to the NICU. My friend (who had taken me to the hospital early that afternoon) came to be with me in recovery. The NICU dr came in, gave me the run down (quickly) on Thia, and then said "I'm so sorry. We did everything we could. Baby B's heart rate just wouldn't come up above 65 bpms after we cut the cord. She did have a true knot, about 2 inches from the placenta. Your husband told us that we didn't have to keep working on her, we couldn't get her resuscitated. We tried for 34 minutes." I started sobbing. So hard I was shaking. My heart rate was through the roof. They brought my beautiful Ella in to me. She was so tiny and perfect.


We had Thia baptized that night. It was 1:30 in the morning the first time I saw Thia. She was so tiny and so perfect. She spent the first 10 days of her life going on and off a high frequency ventilator. At about 10 days, they started weaning her off the ventilator, onto a cannula. When she got there, she was on a high flow one. She was a little fighter. She went down to a regular cannula. She pulled her PICC line out of her arm at 15 days old. She was always pulling her feeding tube or cannula out and holding onto it. I held her for the first time at 15 days. She loved it, the nurses joked that I should just always hold her, because her temp was great, and her heart rate was excellent. I gave her a bath when she was 19 days old. It was an awesome experience.

At 3:15 am, Friday morning, when she was 20 days old, I got that dreaded phone call. A nurse was calling to tell me she wasn't doing well. The dr was with her, and I should get there as soon as I could. I got to the hospital at about 4 am. They were doing compression's on her. The dr told me that they didn't know what had happened, but her heart rate plummeted. They tried everything they could, but nothing was working. My second baby was dying. A nurse asked if I wanted to hold her. I held my baby as she took her last breath. I was crying, and begging her to come back. To hang on. She died at 4:15 am Friday, September 17, 2010. I felt her life leave her body. I knew the moment she was gone, without alarms or a nurse to tell me.


Monday, September 20, we said goodbye to our babies. Their funeral was beautiful. My younger sister (Ella's Godmother) sang Amazing Grace a Capella. Our wonderful priest (who came to the hospital at 1 am the day of their birth, and again at 5:30 am the day Thia passed) picked wonderful readings. The Sunday after, he dedicated the Mass to them.

It's been 4 months.

It has been 4 months since we welcomed our beautiful baby girls into this world. It's been 4 months since we said goodbye to our beautiful Ella. I still cant believe that it's been that long. We should've had a house full of kids..instead I have 2 angels at home, and 2 angels watching over me and mine. Ugh...I knew dealing with their deaths would be hard, but everytime the 28th rolls around, it knocks me in the gut, again and again. It also doesnt help that I am still healing physically from it. Every now and then, I get up and get a burning pain in my abdomin. I'm told its normal. I just wish I was back to normal.

short update..

So, yeah, like my last post says, I'm a total slacker. At least I have an excuse! I'm a mommy, and I'm pregnant. That and we didnt have internet for a while. Dont really know why, though.

So, I am 25wks pregnant now. I am also HUGE! I'm measuring about 8 weeks ahead. Babies are doing great! Moving around like there is no tomorrow, and making their presence known. And, we found out (over a month ago...*cringe* sorry!!) that we're having GIRLS! I'm super excited! We are naming them Baby A: Cynthia Paige and Baby B: Gabriella Catherine. I want to call them Thia and Ella, but knowing my family the way I do, they will have about 10 other nicknames, too. At least my family loves them already! As soon as I have 10 more minutes to rub together, I will post some ultrasound pictures. Or I'll just wait til my 28 week appointment, and put up new ones. Or I'll do both.

Gavin is doing really well with his therapies. He's back to sleeping in his bed, and even has gone to bed on his own for the last few weeks. Yay! He's talking more, and interacting more, but I'm still seeing how far behind he is on some things. Like, today, at a website I visit, a mother posted a picture that her newly turned 2yo drew. It was a distinctive smiley face complete with ear. Gavin can tell me that he is drawing it, but it ends up looking exactly like whatever Lena tries to draw. It makes me sad, but I know that if we keep working on it, he will get it.

Lena is still fat. She still likes to eat. She's finally walking, so that's good. She is ALL girl. She likes to "help" me pick out clothes for her. She sits still so I can put her hair in pigtails. She even lets me paint her toenails! Then she points to them and tells me "Preeey!!". And, yes, they are pretty, even though they are VERY small. LOL. We got her a diaper bag for her babies a few days ago, and she likes to put her baby in it and walk around with it. She took it to Gavin's therapy appointment on Thursday, and was so happy to show it off. She likes to carry it and scream, loudly, "My BAAAABBBBBYYY!!!!". Again, she's too cute.

We are still waiting to move. We were supposed to have a house August 17th, but when Russell went to sign for the keys, they informed us that they had tried to get ahold of Russ the week before, and when they couldnt (after only one voicemail, and no phone calls to me) they gave our house to someone else. So, now, we have to wait until sometime in early Sept. In the meantime, I'm still sharing a room with Gavin. Which means, great, another routine change once we move. Not looking forward to that.

Otherwise, we are doing ok. Looking for a cheap van, waiting for a house and taking care of the babies. Both air and non-air breathing babies.

And this post turned out a little longer than I anticipated. Oh well!

Wow...been a while..

So apparently, I'm a total slacker when it comes to posting. Sorry. Not a whole lot going on here, just PREGNANT AGAIN! LOL...we're having more babies, and this time I mean babies. I'm pregnant with twins! Oh man, how am I going to deal with twins, and 2 toddlers??? I'll figure it out. I'm due 12/2, so send lots of good vibes my way!

On another note, Lena finally learned to crawl, and now she's cruising the furniture, and trying to stand by herself. I am a very bad blogger, since I missed doing a post about her birthday. She's ONE now! Oh man...my baby's growing up! We had a party for her the day before her actual birthday, that was fun. We had it at my friend Katies house (since it's soo much bigger than mine). Lena loved her cake, got it all over her face. She got lots of clothes for her birthday, including a beautiful homemade dress from her Mawmo. Lena now weighs in at 22lbs, and her thighs are still as chunky as ever! I will post pictures soon, I promise.

Gavin is making leaps and bounds going to speech therapy. He goes to speech and occupation therapies once a week. Behavorial-wise, he's not doing much different, except he is now sharing better, but only part of the time. Speech-wise, we can actually understand a bunch more of what he's saying. It's great. There are times when he still gets frustrated because we dont understand what he is trying to tell us, but we're learning with him. My mom is going to send us some sign language dvds so hopefully that'll help. He's also starting to hide when his ears hurt, since he hates going to the dr soo much! I took him in for pink eye, and unexplained fever, and it turns out his fever was because he had flaming red ear drums. Didnt show us at all that they were even bothering him. He's way too smart!

We are finally going to move! We have been living in a 2 bedroom house for all of our married life, and we are finally going to be in a house that will fit our family! With all the problems Gavin has, he cant share a room with his sister, so we got put on the waiting list for a 3 bedroom. But, then we found out about the twins, so they put us on the list for a 4 bedroom! It's awesome! Dont know when we're moving, hopefully it's soon, so we have time to get it together before I probably end up on bedrest. That, and I want my baby sisters to come stay with us for a bit, but they cant come til we have a better house, since at this point we dont have anywhere to put them. Right now, Gavin and Russell sleep in the living room (gavin is afraid of something in his room, and wont sleep there), Lena sleeps in the "master bedroom" and I'm sleeping on the guest bed in Gavin's room. It's a rough situation.

Anyway, I'll try to post some pictures soon...I'm soo tired all the time that I feel like doing exactly NOTHING every day. It doesnt work that way, but I wish it did!

The many faces of Lena

Ok, I know..I'm a HUGE slacker. Forgive me, I've been dealing with a lot. Lena's teething, Gavin's bleeding from his ear, and I'm not sleeping. It's all loads of fun.

Ok, so about the title. I had to take pictures of Lena, to try to get a head shot. A woman I know needed a model for a porject she's doing, and when the clients showed her what they were looking for, she thought of Lena. So, fresh from a nap, I took some pictures. In a span of about 5 minutes, she gave me a variety of faces. All cute, of course. And, the great news from that, is my friends clients REALLY loved her, so she is now their logo! Yay for my beautiful baby!!! Enjoy!






I'm not looking!

MMMM tasty fingers!

WHAAAAAAAAAAAA?

Big Smiles!

pictures I promised!

So I promised pictures. Oh, and Lena had an ear check yesterday and she's up 1 lb. She now weighs 16lb 3oz. 1 pound is a lot for a baby. So, she's getting fatter!

Gavin likes to wear Lena's headbands. Daddy's not the fan Gavin is, but I remind daddy not to worry since the headbands almost never match his outfit.

Dancing with Auntie Molly. He's very good at it.

Posing, while dancing. I love that he sees the camera and hams it up.

Giving Lena a ride. It was truly funny.

Lena loved having her big brother push her, and he did such a great job of making faces, just like mommy does.

One of the shirts from Miss Loretta (does anyone know why we call her "Miss" when she was married?). He was not too happy with me for taking a picture and not letting him do it.

Lena in one of the outfits Miss Loretta got for her. Let it be known, that she is sitting by herself in all of the following pictures. Daddy's just there for mommy's sake.

I love the surprised face.

Such a happy girl. She has teeth, you just cant see them.

One picture of her sitting by herself...that you can tell she is. She's getting so big!

There ya go folks! Enjoy!

quick update

Sorry...it's been a while. No pictures today, though. We (meaning me, gavin and lena) went to DC for Kevins wedding at the end of July. It was a lot of fun, even though Gavin learned how to climb out of the pack and play. That meant putting him back in every night when I went to bed. Lena was also teething, so that was no fun. After DC, my mom, dad, and sisters came down to Savannah and stayed with us for a bit. Dad left after a day (back to work and all that) and the rest stayed for a few days before moving on with their trip. After they left, Lena went to her 4 month appt, where we found out she's long, and heavy. She also had her first ear infection (double, of course).

So, here's Lena's stats. She's 5 months now. She's got 2 teeth (had them before her appt). She's 26 inches long, and 15 lbs 5 oz in weight. She rolls only if she wants to, loves to rock when she's sitting on my lap (not really rocking, more like throwing herself around). She sleeps through the night when it's convienent for her, or she's not teething. She loves nursing, hates cereal. She's trying to sit on her own, and can for about 2 minutes until she starts to sway. She does pretty well at keeping herself up though. She loves to be held. I put her down, and no kidding she screams until I pick her up..then she smiles and laughs like it was all a joke on me. When she does let me put her down and stay down, she moves in circles and backwards, then gets mad because whatever she's looking at and wants gets further away. I, of course, laugh and tell her that if she just went forward, then she could get the toy. She doesnt listen.

On to Gavin. He'll be 2 in about 2 1/2 weeks. I'm not sure how tall he is, but I know he's almost 26 pounds. He's regressing in his speech, so we've been seeing an ENT for that. His tubes are fine, but they're doing a hearing test the day before his birthday. We'll see how that goes. We might have to do speech therapy with him (though that wouldnt suprise me, since both his parents had to do that too). He is way too smart for his own good. He "brushes" his teeth any time anyone says anything about going into the bathroom. "I tee? I tee?" is his usual statement. He sits in the big boy chair at the big person table, and thinks he's the first. He knows where to go when we go for a walk, he knows his friend's house. He knows what he wants, and he's not afraid to try and tell us what it is. Of course, when we dont understand, he's really not afraid of trying to get it himself.

Other than that, there's not a whole lot else that's new. I have promised my mom some pictures of the kids (they got clothes from Miss Loretta, and Gavin looks handsome with his new haircut). Those will have to wait til Gavin gets up from his nap.